


The Biological Definition

by KKGlinka



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-02
Updated: 2010-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-24 02:36:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/629354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KKGlinka/pseuds/KKGlinka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Batman can't stand the heat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Biological Definition

"If you wake her up, you're dead. _Dead,_ " Selina emphasized, by slicing across her throat with a finger.

A small black cat barreled past him, half running, half slinking, and warbling at the top of her lungs.

"I'm surprised the racket in here hasn't already done that." From what he understood, both from Alfred Pennyworth, Dr. Leslie Thompkins and Roy Harper, most babies woke up in the middle of the night, several times, so there was no reason for Selina to blame him. Which meant she was heckling him and that meant, in turn, she wanted company.

"Oh, pfft," she scoffed. "This is nothing. You should hear this place with the TV, vacuum and Helena shrieking at the same time." She paused, to adjust her ball-cap, which bore the phrase, 'Bitch, please,' turning it backward. Between that, a flamingo t-shirt and mis-matched pajama bottoms, no one would believe she was also the mysterious socialite who sometimes dated Bruce Wayne. "And if you piss me off, you will."

The black cat paused to look up at him, blinking, before asking, "Hrrrrr?"

"Holly won't be here until six?" His work schedule was busy, and Selina hardly kept a regular one, but that did seem to be the baby-sitting arrangement between the old friends. Mostly, he was stalling, curious to know what had her on edge, though a yowling reason seemed to be presenting itself. Literally. He pushed the cat away with his foot and she fell over.

"No." Selina watched the cat wrap itself around Batman's foot, whining and _brr-rring_. "And she might not stay."

"I can't imagine why." He picked up his foot and the cat sprang up, running off and jumping on top of a large tabby.

The second cat squawked in protest, trying to run away, despite the other latched onto his back. The black cat flopped over again, spied the large black and white cat Bruce recalled was named Bubbles, then hissed and growled in ferocious miniature. Bubbles stretched out a paw and planted it on Rocky's head. She shrieked furiously, before glimpsing Batman in her peripheral vision and abruptly changing tune.

Selina didn't seem to notice as the black cat, _Rocky_ , he finally remembered, charged his foot again. He pretended not to notice as the cat rubbed her face, between her paws and against his ankle. "Brrrr!" He reminded himself that it was a seven pound animal demonstrating a harmless, natural behavior. "Why don't you get her spayed?"

She shrugged, "Eh. I'm sure someone will bomb my apartment before too long. It's about due, between that Joker wannabe and those failed comrades who didn't get the memo that the Iron Curtain rusted. Besides, all the boys are fixed and she'll be over this in a week."

"I'm not certain a house bomb is the humane solution," he noted dryly.

Selina shrugged one shoulder. "It all comes down to perspective."

Rocky stretched up, standing against his leg and waving a paw up at him. "Waugh!?"

Bruce sighed, wondering how a baby could sleep through that nonsense, though the way Selina told it, Helena possessed a remarkable ability to sleep through all sorts of chaos. He nudged the cat away and she protested, heckling again, "ArrrRaugh!"

"Don't take it personally. She loves everyone right now." Selina smirked, finally.

Rocky fell over again, rolling around spasmodically, bounced up into a crouch, looking around wild-eyed and tore off back into the apartment. "Brrrr!"

"There's cat hair all over your boot."

"There was a _cat_ all over my boot."

"Yep. And here she comes again."


End file.
